I’ve talked a lot about the past. What about now? Well, I don’t dress up anymore, and I’ve had many opportunities to do so without anyone knowing. But here is why I don’t:
1. Because I told my wife I wouldn’t. I will never break my word to her. It is worth more than my life and my life is worth more than this desire to me. It is enough for me to know that she despises the very idea of me crossdressing. I cannot go on traumatizing her.
2. Because I am beautiful without it. This is difficult to hold to all the time, but having my wife’s love has really blessed me in this, the way I always hoped it would. Also, I’m thankful and excited as I discover more and more advancement in our culture toward accepting and affirming male beauty.
3. Because I can be a well-rounded man- with all healthy traits- without crossdressing. Many don’t accept this, but I will stand with truth against culture and hold out hope for healing for men everywhere. It’s not a loss of manhood to be gentle, soft, sensitive, etc!
4. Because the clothes were not made for me, but for a woman, and the serious expression of a persona that is not mine is an unhealthy farce. There is a “crossing” to crossdressing. A “transgression” that need not happen. If I want to look and feel good, then I can wear men’s clothes to the best of my ability. Thanks to my wife, we are building my wardrobe with things that look and feel good in terms of color, texture, and fit. This is new and wonderful for me to have this gentle help and empowerment.
5. Because I have a wife who wears the clothes I used to love to look at and is at least willing to hear me say that I want to look at her that way. This is more than I or anyone else could ever honestly and healthily want in this area.
6. Because I think it’s wrong
I want to conclude this by emphasizing that the decision not to crossdress does not necessarily entail a suppression of one’s personality or desires. Instead, I have found the most power in telling myself (and occasionally my wife) that I do have a deep desire to dress up, and then working on processing that desire by analyzing the possible reasons why I feel that way at the moment, and also, in the end, by taking into account all my other desires that may conflict or contradict this one. In the end, I end up truly doing what I want, and that is living a healthy, loving existence with true joy.